I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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