Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
