My liver just broke up with me...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
