Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
