i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
