We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
