You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
