he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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