If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
