I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
