I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
