I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
