He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm both gender and math confused
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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