Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
