I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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