dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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