Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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