I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
