i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
