I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
