I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
