I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
