So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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