he was CRYING into my vagina
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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