Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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