woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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