she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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