I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
