what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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