If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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