Duck Duck Cougar?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
