my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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