Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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