I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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