I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
