He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
