I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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