Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
