jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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