Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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