I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
