Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize