By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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