I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
