every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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