Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
