Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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