Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
