a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
