I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
