The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
