New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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