he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
