i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
