Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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