you would pick up someone in the library
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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