YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
