We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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