You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
