nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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