Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
