You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
cat food counts as protein by the way
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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