just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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