pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
