Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
