This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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