From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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