sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
