I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
