Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
