EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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