bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
