Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.