just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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