There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
