so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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