It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Floor bacon is actually really good
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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